Highly Sensitive People

About 20% of the population is innately more sensitive. Not as a result of upbringing or environment, not as a result of culture, not as a result of gender expression. All these things intersect with this innate temperament of course, but there is a key difference and one that is typically overlooked by many therapists. In the past three years, I began to notice certain traits in myself and in my clients that many therapeutic interventions fail to see and understand, limiting the possibility for deep change. Reading the research on HSP felt like an unlock. 

What does this look like? 

There are four traits that HSPs often display. They exist on a spectrum, of course, and socialization and environment plays a role in determining how we do (or don’t) express them:

  • Depth of Processing

  • Overstimulation

  • Emotional Reactivity

  • Sense the Subtle

  • Depth of Processing

    Highly sensitive people are wired to process the world and think deeply about everything. What can often look like overthinking due to anxiety can really be a predisposition to analysis. While this is not inherently a problem and can indeed be a tremendous strength, those of us with extremely active minds are more prone to overwhelm and live inside our heads rather than in the moment. This can feel limiting and get in the way of taking the risks inherent to living a full and meaningful life.

  • Overstimulation

    Highly sensitive people are more likely to get overstimulated and overwhelmed. Because there is more input and the input is being felt deeply and processed, there is often a lower threshold for overwhelm. This may look obvious, like someone who doesn’t like loud concerts or crowded bars. It can also show up in less obvious ways, like faster burnout from chaotic work environments or a strong pull to turn down the volume on life (by isolating or numbing our nervous systems with substances or technology).

  • Emotional Reactivity

    Highly sensitive people are finely calibrated and the waves from the outside world reverberate through our systems in a way that is felt deeply. HSP have the potential to be great romantic partners and creators. They feel deeply, express themselves in a way that opens the doors to deep connection, and can be very compassionate. Being highly sensitive can also be incredibly draining and when we don’t take care of ourselves, can lead to burn out, existential overwhelm, and even protective layers of cynicism or numbness.

  • Sense the Subtle

    Highly sensitive people pick up on the little things. We are more attuned (and affected by) others moods, the energy in a room, and changes in our environment. While this tendency can make us great leaders, attuned friends and lovers, innovators, and creators, it can also predispose us to people pleasing, health anxiety, and a sense of responsibility that exceeds what is sustainable (or even possible). 

Is High Sensitivity the same as ADHD or Autism?

No, but some of the traits can certainly overlap—overstimulation, sensory sensitivities, emotional overwhelm—and you can be both. Experts are yet to fully understand the relationship between a highly sensitive temperament, mental health, neurodivergence, and adverse childhood experiences.

That being said, ADHD and Autism are underdiagnosed and many therapists are undereducated on both. If you identify with some of the HSP traits above but are wondering if you have ADHD or are Autistic, I’m happy to explore this intersection with you so that we can best meet your needs (including testing referrals to neurodivergent informed psychologists if desired). 

Ultimately, my opinion is that labels can be useful if they provide a way of recognizing a set of experiences a person holds. For some, the highly sensitive descriptor is empowering—finding language that matches your experience may allow you to better understand and take care of yourself. It can help tap into strengths you may be cut off from, as well as reframe some of your struggles and find healthier adaptations to stress. Us humans are pretty complex. I’m here to help you honor and understand your complexity so that we can help you thrive. 

What does HSP look like in men? 

Male socialization interrupts the development of the positive qualities of high sensitivity for many men. The implicit and explicit messages that boys receive from parents, teachers, coaches, and peers frequently discourage or punish the expression of emotion. 

All humans can feel deeply, but HSPs have a baseline of feeling deeply. When boys learn at a young age this is not welcome and that doing so will make them a target, they learn to mute their innate sensitivity. This can show up in a lot of different ways; the common denominator is that there is a disconnect from one’s sense of self and often a sense that something is wrong with them. 

For many highly sensitive men, it’s a journey to recognize–much less embrace—this sensitivity. Even as I write this, I recognize that the word “sensitive” or some of the language I use (like gentle, safe, or self compassion) may evoke a strong reaction in some of you—they certainly did in me when I first started this journey. If there’s a part of you that resonates with anything I’ve said here, I encourage you to reach out when you are ready. 

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